What's Left Inside
by ClaireShepardHKKY
Summary: Kazuma Kuwabara had always prided himself on being a good friend. He had never planned on falling in love…and losing it as soon as he realized it, to one of his best friends no less. Now, Kurama is missing and it's up to Kazuma to bring him home, even if it costs him his own life. This was done for YYHBB! Warnings - violence, gore, torture, blood, m/m, and other adult themes.
1. Chapter 1

_**What's Left Inside**_

 **Warnings:** Graphic content (blood, gore, torture), adult themes, yaoi, and bad language.

 **A/N:** Hey ya'll! I know I should be working on TT and I have been, I promise! Just slowly. Anyway, here I am with a new one (Kuwama this time because I love this pairing and it needs more fics) that I wrote for the YYH Big Bang on Tumblr. I hope you guys will enjoy it and please leave a nice comment or two!

The cover art for this fic was done by the wonderful voltronslegs on Tumblr! You can find the original here - (http) : / / (voltronslegs. tumblr. com) / post / 152739805949 / hey-heres-one-of-the-drawings-i-did-for-yyhbb (just take out all the spaces and other extra crap!).

…~...

 _"Let no one think of me that I am humble or weak or passive; let them understand I am of a different kind: dangerous to my enemies, loyal to my friends. To such a life glory belongs." - Euripide_ s

 **December 21st, 2001.**

"What the hell is this?"

"What does it look like, idiot?"

Kazuma Kuwabara resisted the urge to reach down and strangle the shorter man. In the ten years they had known each other little had changed. The short fire demon, Hiei, was still the most irritating man he knew.

"Well, it looks like a bag full of crap to me," Kazuma retorted.

He had no idea why Hiei had come to see him. No idea whatsoever. Other than the fact the psychic had taken over Genkai baa'san's position at the temple. She'd died nearly five years ago and left the estate to all of them. But Kazuma was the only one that kept up with it…and well, Kurama he supposed. The kitsune tended the gardens mostly and kept to himself these days.

Hiei had pursed his lips, his penchant for having a short temper shining through. "They're for Kurama, you buffoon."

Kazuma looked into the tiny sack again and poked around. Ah, he knew what they were now. Seeds, a bag full of seeds.

"And why are you giving them to me shrimp?"

Hiei growled at him, his eyes narrowing at the insult. But after ten years Kazuma was neither intimidated nor worried for his safety. The guy had a stick up his ass a mile long, but he was loyal to his allies.

"Because, he comes by here on weekends, does he not?"

"Your point?" Kazuma asked, even as he pocketed the seeds.

"I won't be here then. I do not wish to waste time looking for him now."

Something about that irked Kazuma and he said as much to Hiei, "Wait…you can't find him?"

Hiei blinked at him, his impossibly red eyes widening for a moment. Then he simply answered, "No."

"Doesn't that strike you as a little weird, with that eye of yours?"

Hiei shrugged and stuffed his hands into his pockets. Kazuma, knowing he was about to flit away, grabbed for him.

The look Hiei gave him would have flayed a lesser person alive.

"When was the last time you saw him Hiei?" He asked because Hiei was the closest to Kurama. Even if the fire demon's trips to the Ningenkai were few and far between.

Kazuma cursed himself. Why hadn't he noticed? When was the last time Kurama had come around?

"Several weeks ago, though that isn't unusual," Hiei answered.

Kazuma let him go abruptly, but the demon didn't run off as he expected. "You haven't seen him either." Hiei said instead. Not a question, but a statement of fact.

Kazuma shook his head and just like that worry set into his belly. Kurama had been acting strangely for several months now. He'd been more reserved, less social. What a horrible friend he was to only have noticed now.

Leaving Hiei behind to figure things out on his own, Kazuma dashed for the temple. There was a phone in the kitchen and he made a beeline straight for it.

He dialed Yusuke Urameshi's home number but received no answer. Frustrated he slammed the receiver down and then picked it up again. He dialed the ramen shop.

It rang once…twice, three times. "Moshi – mosh, Urameshi here."

Kazuma didn't bother with hellos, "Urameshi have you heard from Kurama lately?"

"Kuwabara, what are you on about now? I'm busy here."

"This is serious! Have you heard from Kurama?!"

Yusuke paused, the line going silent, "Now that I think about it…no."

"Damn."

… ~ ...

Later that evening, with Hiei in tow, Kazuma waited for Yusuke to close up shop. Then the three of them huddled inside the tiny kitchen area, leaning against any available space.

"So," Yusuke began, "You think he's missing then?"

Kazuma looked to Hiei, "The shrimp couldn't find him if that tells you anything."

Hiei glared at him but said, "I've used the Jagan multiple times and he is nowhere within the Ningenkai."

"So maybe he's in Makai," Yusuke said.

Hiei shook his head, "I was there earlier today."

"He has to be hiding his energy," said Kazuma. He didn't want to think of the other explanation. It wasn't possible. He would have noticed. He would have felt it.

"Reikai then?" Yusuke pulled out the communicator he'd received from Koenma. Even after all these years he carried it with him. Old habits die hard.

The compact buzzed for a while when a squeaky, irritated voice snapped, "What?!"

"Keep your pants on Koenma, it's me."

"I know who it is! I'm very busy Yusuke, why are you bothering me?"

Yusuke rolled his eyes, "Do you think I call you just for the pleasure of seeing your ugly mug?"

"Ugly?! How dare you, I'll have you know – "

Yusuke cut the ruler of Reikai off, "Kurama is missing."

Koenma paused his hollering, "Huh?"

"We can't find ole' foxy boy, we were hoping he was with you."

"He isn't here," Koenma replied.

Kazuma cursed and out of the corner of his eye he saw Hiei purse his lips.

"Shit," Yusuke cursed.

"You're serious then?" he heard Koenma ask.

"Yeah," Yusuke said, all of the former punk gone from his demeanor.

"What resources will you need?"

Kazuma stopped listening. He wandered away from the others and took a seat on the curb outside Yusuke's shop. His energy thrummed beneath his skin – worried, borderline frantic.

Where would he have gone without telling them? They were still close…weren't they?

And it was almost Christmas…Kurama wouldn't leave his mother all alone…would he?

"We'll find him, baka."

Kazuma sucked in a breath. He hadn't heard Hiei sneak up behind him…

"I know man," he said with conviction.

… ~ ...

 **December 22nd, 2001.**

He sucked in a shallow breath. In and out, in and out - he kept reminding himself. How much time had passed? All the days blurred into the next. Years could have passed and he wouldn't have noticed.

Stupid…he'd been so careless.

He had always prided himself on being intelligent. But this…he'd been caught like a mouse in a trap.

The hunter had become the hunted. He had become prey. For the first time in long while, Kurama knew without a speck of doubt he was going to die.

In and out…in and out…

… ~ ...

Kazuma was doing his best not to explode. For the past half an hour, while they were supposed to be coming up with a game plan, Yusuke had done nothing but berate him.

He'd yelled things such as, how come you didn't notice he wasn't around?! I thought you were some psychic know-it-all?! Kurama could be dead in a ditch somewhere! If you weren't so stupid you would pay more attention!

The stupid comment had been his last straw.

"I'm not stupid!" Kazuma shouted.

Yusuke looked as if he had more to say, but a single heated glance from Kazuma had his mouth snapping shut. His orange haired friend was angry for certain. But it was the hurt in his eyes that caused him to pause.

"I'm sorry man," Yusuke said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

But Kazuma wouldn't hear any of it, "I'm not the only one to blame. You're both just as guilty!"

Hiei scoffed, but didn't deny it and Yusuke's eyes shot down to the kitchen table in shame.

"We're bad friends," Kazuma continued. "He could be in serious trouble…or even…or even…"

Kazuma couldn't bring himself to say it. Kurama wasn't dead. He was too strong for that. But he was quickly losing hope every second that went by. Koenma had every available resource he could muster at such short notice searching. He told them Botan would come when there was news, but they'd heard nothing yet.

Kazuma slammed a fist down onto the table. "I'm going to go look."

"Ridiculous," said Hiei. "If I couldn't find him, you stand no chance."

"Just because your freaky eye failed doesn't mean I will!"

Hiei cast him a look of disdain, "Fool, you will accomplish nothing other than wasting time and energy."

"I don't care," Kazuma snapped.

Screw them, he couldn't just sit around and do nothing. If he sat and talked about it for one more second he would combust.

He stalked outside, forgoing his coat. He was so angry with himself he never noticed the flakes of snow that fell and melted on his skin.

Kurama – beautiful, selfless, smart - Kurama, had gone missing.

How could this have happened when he was the most intelligent of them all? Had he gone somewhere and just not wanted to be found?

A million questions that held no answers ran through Kazuma's head. He left the temple in a haze. He didn't care if he was followed or if what he was doing was a futile waste of time. He needed to find his friend.

There were many things that had gone unsaid between them. Things had grown awkward. Kazuma was not the same man and he'd learned several things about himself in the past ten years.

Lost in thought, he recalled what had occurred between them several months ago. It was the reason they didn't speak when Kurama came to tend the garden. Besides polite pleasantries they had both kept to themselves.

And Kazuma only had himself to blame.

Back near the end of September Kazuma had a particularly horrible day. As it was with Genkai, so it was with him. People from all around came for his advice. But unlike the old psychic, Kazuma did not have the same knowledge or experience. He did the best he could and often used his strong sense of intuition to make up for it.

Kurama had been in the gardens that day, making the plants flourish. They were even more beautiful now than during Genkai's time. Beautiful – and deadly. Kurama grew every species of poisonous plant imaginable. Then there were the medicinal herbs and the massive man eating Makai plants. Kazuma steered clear of those but knew they were there for his protection.

It was one of the ways Kurama showed he cared.

Over their time spent together, rather privately because Yukina now lived with his sister instead of in the temple. Kazuma had grown to see Kurama in a much different light.

He had never told a soul. Not even Urameshi, who would probably be the most understanding.

But on that awful day, where Kazuma had been run ragged, where his soul was left in tatters. He had made a horrible mistake.

Kurama had made him tea, sat him down, and talked with him. Kazuma hadn't been able to get the words out. And so to make him feel better Kurama had massaged his shoulders.

And well…Kazuma blushed just thinking about it.

He rubbed a hand down his hot face. Maybe he was an idiot. He had to be to make a move on one of his best friends that way.

Kazuma had tried to kiss him. And for one heart stopping moment he'd thought Kurama was not so adverse to the idea.

He'd been stunned sure, but when their lips had connected he sat there stone faced. He didn't move. Hell, he didn't even breathe until Kazuma backed off.

When Kazuma had tried to apologize, Kurama had just said a quiet goodbye and walked out.

Stupid, he'd been an utter moron. Just because Kurama was nice to him didn't mean he liked him like that. Why would he? Who could ever like Kazuma like that? Even sweet, kind, gentle Yukina had ended up rejecting him about eight years ago.

Of course, he was glad for that now, because his feelings had changed.

And finding out she was actually Hiei's sister had really done a number on him too. He'd promised the short man that he wouldn't tell her. Only being around her had made him want to spill the secret. He'd distanced himself from her as a result. He didn't want to betray the trust of the fire demon, as hard earned as it had been. But he didn't want to lie to Yukina either. So he'd done the next best thing…and left her alone.

He didn't regret his choice. Not when he'd developed these new…feelings.

Damnit Kurama…where are you? I'm sorry man…I'm so sorry. Just please…find your way back to me.

… ~ ...

Hours of searching had done nothing but make Kazuma's bones and soul weary. Hiei had been right, not that he'd admit that aloud. The little snot would gloat for weeks.

He sneezed and wiped at his nose with his index finger. He was freezing, never having gone back for his coat. He made the trek back to the temple alone. He'd spent hours walking and then even longer on the train back home. He just wanted to curl up in his bed and sleep forever.

He was so frustrated he could rip out his hair.

Maybe Kurama just didn't want to be found. Maybe he wasn't really in trouble.

…Maybe it was Kazuma's fault he'd run off.

He'd reached the stairs that would take him to the temple grounds and groaned. He wanted to curse Genkai baa-san but knew it would be ill to speak of the dead that way. And knowing her she'd come back to haunt him anyway.

As Kazuma crested the last flight of steps he felt an energy signature he figured would have been long gone.

Hiei rested in a tree right before the wards that marked the entrance to the grounds. When Kazuma had labored his way to the top, the fire demon jumped down. He didn't say a word and for once Kazuma didn't either. The short man followed him inside the temple and that was when Kazuma sighed. He was irritated and just wanted to be left alone.

"Go away," he said.

Hiei still didn't say anything but continued to follow him. It was starting to creep Kazuma out to say the least.

Fed up, he stopped in the middle of the hallway. He didn't turn around. With fists clenched at his side Kazuma asked through gritted teeth, "What do you want?"

"I know what happened between you and Kurama."

Kazuma sucked in a breath. He whirled around to face the demon, all his pent up rage exploded at once.

"So what?! You gonna mock me?! Go ahead!"

Hiei regarded him with a cool gaze, not at all fazed by his outburst. "It isn't the reason he's missing."

"What the hell do you know?!"

Hiei scoffed and shook his head at the other man. "Pathetic."

That was when Kazuma lunged for him. He grabbed Hiei by the collar of his shirt and hauled him off the floor. The fire demon never even removed his hands from his pockets. He just turned his head to the side, a sneer plastered on his face.

"You little bastard," Kazuma snarled. "I'm not in the mood for your insults. I'm not a kid anymore and you can't talk to me that way."

"Could have fooled me."

With a roar, Kazuma threw Hiei aside. He stalked off, not even stopping to wonder why the fire demon was acting the way he was. He didn't care that he knew. Hiei could go and tell the world for all he cared. The only thing that mattered right now was Kurama.

With that thought he deflated. Kazuma ran a hand down his face, upset with himself now. He was being foolish. He was acting childish even...just like Hiei had said. Instead of being so angry and worrying that he was at fault, he should be making more of an effort to find him. He was upset sure, but now wasn't the time to lose his head.

"Have you calmed yourself then?"

Kazuma sighed, "Would you just go away. _Please_..." He added, even though he held no hopes that the demon would listen.

"I'll leave when I'm satisfied."

Kazuma rolled his eyes. Fine, if that's how he wanted it then they could at least get comfortable.

He made his way to the main living area. Here you would find one large couch, several arm chairs, a kotatsu and Genkai's television. It was Kazuma's favorite room. Here, he could pretend that things had never changed. That Genkai was still alive. That the Reikai hadn't gone to hell. That he was still that teenage boy working his ass off to get into college. He smiled fondly at the memories he had of this room. He and Urameshi playing Genkai baa'san's video games. Urameshi getting his ass kicked by the old lady. Kazuma laughing so hard he'd been in tears.

He missed those days.

But he'd been forced to grow up. Kazuma had stopped bleaching his hair, now it was a tame brown and cut short. He dressed more formal, often times in Shinto style robes. Once he'd dreamed of going to college to be a scientist. Now this is what he did – gave advice on the occult.

He didn't hate it. It was just draining. It was no wonder Genkai baa'san had kicked the bucket. He'd be sick of it by the time he was her age too.

Kazuma flopped into one of the armchairs, his long limbs hanging all over the place. Hiei took a spot in one of the circular windows. Big surprise there, thought Kazuma. Some things never changed.

After a long bout of silence, Kazuma grew tired of waiting. It was obvious Hiei wasn't about to open his trap.

"Okay, so...what do you want shorty?"

"Answers," was all he said.

Kazuma resisted the urge to start yelling, even though he could feel his eye twitching. "Answers to what?"

"Do you wish to bed Kurama?"

Kazuma choked on nothing, sputtering like a moron. "Do I what?!"

Hiei glared at him, "You are not as stupid as you act."

Kazuma chewed on his next words for a moment. "I like him. As more than a friend."

Hiei nodded, accepting that as a good enough answer. "You aren't worthy of him."

Kazuma frowned. He already knew that. He didn't need the midget to tell him.

"But he does care for you also."

This had Kazuma sputtering all over again. Impossible! Kurama hadn't said a word about that day, not one! Hiei must mean as a friend. That was the only explanation.

"Yeah, he's a friendly guy," Kazuma mumbled.

"He cares for you as...more than a friend." Hiei used his own words. Kazuma was embarrassed to admit that he had blushed afterwards.

"Bullshit..." he mumbled.

The conversation ended there. Hiei never explained why he'd made it a point to harass him. And for the rest of the evening they sat in silence, both lost in thought.

… ~ ...

 **December 23** **rd** **, 2001.**

" _You are beginning to reek of death,_ " it hissed out a laugh, elated.

Kurama said not a word. He hung from a set of chains, his wrists broken and useless from countless hours of futile pulling. The manacles suppressed spirit energy and demon energy alike. His physical might alone was not enough to break them.

Whoever... _whatever_ , it was that had managed to knock him out and drag him here had not shown its face. It hid in the darkness.

At first Kurama had done his best to kep his wits about him. He had used his logic so many times to get himself and others out of a bad situation. But with careful cunning the creature had whittled away at Kurama's resolve.

And then the beatings started.

Sometimes it was just a painful jab to his kidneys, other times it was whippings. He'd had a hot poker branded into his skin. The end of which had sunken into one of his thighs, the front of his shoulder, and through his shin, where it had been left for the wound to fester.

He was sure he had bruises marring every inch of him. His eyesight, normally perfect even in the pitch black, had waned. Even before, at his full health, he knew the darkness here was of artificial making. He would have seen his captor by now. Would have been able to look upon his face and spit in his eye. If he freed himself from this, by some offhanded miracle, he would not hesitate to torture this creature for an eternity.

A breath ghosting across his ear that stank of carrion had him using what little energy he had left to jerk away. It rasped out a laugh again, delighted.

Who? Who had such a grudge against him?

Kurama could name hundreds over the centuries he had lived. Inhabiting a human body made no difference. After the Dark Tournament and his time spent in the Makai with Yomi his identity was far from secret.

He felt a tug at his hair, matted and dirty. " _Such fine hair..._ "

He heard as it was sliced off, felt as the clumps brushed against his naked back as they fell to the floor. Kurama made no reaction. He had long stopped even crying out in pain as he was beaten. His body and mind had grown numb. And he would not give this bastard the satisfaction.

" _What will break you, hmm?"_

Kurama ignored the beast. His thoughts turned inward. Soon...soon he would be dead. He would go with regrets. We would leave this world with things unsaid. He wondered if Christmas had passed. If his mother had looked for him and was now spending Christmas alone...

His heart ached for her. Just like it ached when he thought of the opportunity he had squandered. A chance to be happy. He didn't deserve it. All the bad things he had done in his lifetime...

This...this is what he deserved. And so he took his punishment with gritted teeth and an aching soul.

… ~ ...

"Koenma sent me a lead."

The next day, the temple undisturbed thanks to several feet of snow, Yusuke had braved the elements with some news. Kazuma felt his heart leap towards his throat, where it became stuck. It was too much to hope for.

Christmas was two days away. He was certain Kurama's mother was hysterical because of his disappearance. If Kazuma could find him...could bring him home. That was the ultimate Christmas wish.

"So, out with it." Hiei, ever the impatient bastard...ever rude.

"It's like this..." Yusuke began.

According to Koenma's resources, someone from Kurama's past had appeared in the Makai after hundreds of years of people assuming he was dead. Thanks to a permanent portal having been open between the two worlds said man had made his way to the Ningenkai. No one thought anything of it. No one had even remembered this particular creature held a strong grudge against Kurama. And so, with such damning evidence, Koenma had reason to believe this demon had a big part to play in the man's disappearance.

"But why does this guy got such a grudge?" asked Kazuma.

"Kurama stole something from him...something _big_."

"Kurama stole from hundreds of demons. What is so different about this one?" Hiei asked.

"This... _thing_ ," because not even Koenma was sure what type of demon he was, "collected really dangerous artifacts."

"And Kurama stole one of them?" asked Kazuma.

"I'm not so sure he even knew what it was, but yeah. Something _bad_ according to Koenma."

"And now this beast wants it back." said Hiei.

Yusuke nodded, "Seems like it."

"So we have a clue who it is...but does he know _where_ Kurama is?"

"All he said was somewhere _other_."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means this demon can open portals to other dimensions besides the three we are privy to." explained Hiei.

"Great," Kazuma cursed, his hands clenching into fists. If Kurama was in this _other_ space, how the hell were they going to get him back?

"It is great actually," said Yusuke with a grin.

"Huh?"

"Idiot," hissed Hiei.

"What am I missing?"

"He's so numb he's forgotten his own abilities."

And then it dawned on Kazuma.

"We've got the only guy in the world who can cut through dimensions sitting right here," Yusuke slapped him on the back, his grin growing wider.

For all the times Kazuma had felt useless...this was the first time he'd ever felt he held something of value. If anyone could save Kurama...it would have to be him.

"How do I find it?"

… ~ ...


	2. Chapter 2

**December 24** **th** **, 2001.**

Kazuma shivered in the cold. Yusuke and Hiei at his side. They'd found it. Kazuma would accept nothing less. This had to be where Kurama was.

It took only a day of searching. They may never have found it if it wasn't for Hiei's Jagan. It was rare for Kazuma to show any gratitude toward Hiei. But if the fire demon had let him the tall man would have crushed him in a hug.

Thank you Hiei. Thank you so much for loving your sister enough to have that thing implanted into your skull.

"Go, do it now fool."

Kazuma ignored the insult. Hiei could call him whatever he wanted for the rest of his days. Kazuma wouldn't say another word about it ever again.

Yusuke clapped him on the shoulder and then stood back.

Kazuma called his Spirit Sword, pushing his spirit energy to the max. He watched as the edges became refined, smooth, deadly. The dimension cutting sword was a whole nother beast from his normal Reiken. It shined with vibrant, rainbow bright colors. It hummed, the sound it made loud in the silence of the forest they stood in.

With a great yell, Kazuma lunged. It ripped through the tiny hint of energy that marked the opening to the _other_ place. At first a slit, then it widened. Beyond was darkness incarnate. And before Kazuma could warn his companions it sucked them in.

The opening closed behind them, but Kazuma didn't worry. He would just open another one.

He heard the sound of Yusuke's Spirit Gun powering up. Hiei created a ball of flame in his hand. Kazuma kept his sword at the ready. Together, they cast enough light to get a decent look at their surroundings.

"What the fuck is that...?" Yusuke breathed.

It was as if it were a living, pulsing creature all its own. At first, Kazuma wondered if it was one of Kurama's plants. Maybe he wasn't in as much trouble as he thought.

But as they approached the massive building engulfed with red, wriggling, fat veins Kazuma halted. His sixth sense was screaming at him. Whatever this was...it wasn't good.

"Don't touch it," he said.

Yusuke looked at him quizzically but Hiei held out an arm, causing them all to stop.

"It isn't Kurama's," he said. "And it isn't a plant."

"Then what is it?" asked Yusuke.

"Whatever it is, it's alive," said Kazuma.

He bent to inspect it closer, being careful not to touch. He didn't notice when Hiei stiffened at his side.

"Run!" The fire demon hollered.

Kazuma's head shot up just in time to see a giant eye open. And then the big veiny things started to writh. Not veins...tentacles, he realized. But this realization came too late. He'd sat there stunned too long and one of them had wrapped around his midsection.

He screamed as it hauled him off his feet and up into the air. His Reiken still in his hand, he was quick to hack it up. It dropped him and with another screech, he came plummeting to the ground.

He hit hard, the breath knocked out of him. He struggled to his feet anyway, gasping at the rancid air that permeated this place. He scrambled to Yusuke's side. His friend used his shotgun technique, burning holes through several of the tentacles.

He could hear Hiei in the darkness, flitting about and dicing up the others. Sometimes he'd catch a flash of his sword.

Stealing his resolve, Kazuma jumped back into the fray.

He'd be damned if he let these two take all the glory.

… ~ ...

Something had changed with the creature's demeanor. Though Kurama had lost track of time, for quite awhile now the thing had changed its tactics. It had gone from just straight torturing him to interrogation.

It took Kurama no time flat to figure out what the thing wanted.

And who the man was.

It was pathetic he had held a grudge for this long. What was it...at least three hundred years now.

It was Kurama's turn to laugh. The first bit of emotion he'd shown in a long, long time.

If his voice worked he'd tell the bastard to fuck off.

It was really too bad. He'd thought he'd killed this idiot. He'd been arrogant back then...foolish. He'd made so many mistakes.

The demon's name was Kaien. He had been powerful over three hundred years ago. But it looks as if he'd spent some time honing his power. He was much stronger now.

Kurama had grown complacent in his human life. Of that, Hiei had been right. He should have been more vigilant. How embarrassing to let such a swine get the jump on him.

 _"Tell me where it is!"_ Kaien hissed.

Kurama rasped out a hollow laugh again. He didn't know. After all these years he'd probably bartered or sold what the man was looking for. Even if he hadn't it, his dens of treasure would have long ago been looted.

Desperate now, Kaien backhanded him across the face. Kurama spit blood, the only liquid he'd had in his mouth for days.

He wheezed out another laugh. He would be dead soon. None of this will have mattered. And Kaien will never get what he wanted. At least Kurama could go to the grave knowing that.

I wish I could have given everyone their gifts for Christmas, he thought. Perhaps his mother would find them and distribute them later. He especially hoped Kazuma received his.

Ah...Kazuma. He wondered if he'd broken the poor man's heart that day. Kazuma Kuwabara wasn't the type to be interested in someone for a fling. He put his whole heart into everything. And that had scared the living shit out of Kurama. The tall boy...man now, Kurama reminded himself, had cleaned up well. Kurama had stuck around to take care of Master Genkai's gardens simply so he could be close to him.

So, as he hung there dying, that would be one of his biggest regrets of all. He hadn't even given him a chance.

Kazuma...

… ~ ...

"Why won't this fucking thing die!"

"Urameshi, look out!"

Hiei flitted by, chopping apart the giant tentacle that had been about to lob Yusuke's head from his shoulders.

They'd spent God only knew how much time fighting this goddamned thing. Every second that passed was a second closer to them losing Kurama. He couldn't be wasting time here!

With a growl, he cut through another and another and another. There was always more. As if the thing just kept growing them as soon as one was cut down.

"Hiei, can't you burn this thing to a crisp?!"

The fire demon shot Yusuke a sour look. "If I could, I would have!" he snapped.

And it wasn't for lack of trying. Hiei was wasting not only his time but his energy. He'd resorted to using only his sword.

"There has to be some way to kill this stupid thing!"

Kazuma wasn't a strategist like Kurama...but at a time like this he needed to think of something.

"Hey..." he said. There might be one way. "What about that eye?"

"How the hell is Hiei's eye gonna help right now?"

"Not Hiei's eye you idiot!" Kazuma jabbed a finger towards the giant one in the center of what could only be the creature's head. "That one!"

Yusuke's mouth formed an oh and then he grinned. He powered up a giant Spirit Gun blast and let it fly. His aim was perfect. The monster howled in agony as his eye was pierced clean through. It evaporated into nothing, Yusuke's energy frying its skull clean open.

The tentacles stopped moving and as one, they flopped to the ground, useless. The head of the monster slumped and its body slipped. With a great crash that shook the ground beneath them and almost knocked Kazuma from his feet, it fell to the earth. With its passing it revealed what it had been protecting so vehemently.

Beneath was a large, concrete building. It didn't look like anything special but Kazuma knew from the bottom of his heart that's where they'd find Kurama.

"Come on, let's go before something else shows up!" Yusuke took off running, Hiei close behind.

Even after all these years Kazuma would never match their speed. Soon he would no longer be in his prime and his health would fail, just like Genkai.

He ran after them as fast as he could.

We're coming Kurama, just hold on a little longer.

… ~ ...

Kurama might live through one final beating. He'd lost too much blood. His vision had gone black a long time ago. His mouth harbored a horrid metallic tang that made him want to vomit, but his stomach was empty.

What he wouldn't give for even a single sip of water.

His wish was granted a moment later. At first he thought it was a hallucination, but the violent way the water was forced down his throat told him otherwise. He choked, spitting up what he'd been given. Again, the bottle was forced between his lips. He swallowed what he could this time. He was greedy for more, but Kaien gave him just enough so he was able to use his voice again.

"Now tell me where it is."

Kurama sucked in two slow breaths. Breathing had even become a chore. "Gone."

He was backhanded across the face.

"Wrong answer."

"There is no...other answer...to give." Talking had become hard. It had been awhile since he'd used his voice. Too long.

Kaien screamed in outrage. He took his anger out on Kurama. A punch to the stomach, one to the ribs, another to his face. He stood against them like a rock against a storm. But the internal damage...

Without his energy to heal him his body would soon fail.

"When I heard you were alive...oh it brought me so much joy." A punch to the stomach again. "I wanted my revenge, _had_ to have my revenge."

If Kurama's eyelids weren't so swollen he might have rolled his eyes.

"I'd spent years thinking that hunter had killed you. I was so angry then. Someone had taken what was rightfully mine – your life."

"But then I heard about the Makai tournament. I heard the stories of Youko Kurama's participation."

He pulled a knife from his pocket and sliced at Kurama's arm. He did it slow, so Kurama would feel the maximum amount of pain.

"At first I didn't believe it. This weak, red haired, human boy couldn't be that legendary thief."

He cut a path down Kurama's left cheek, slicing through the dirt that was surely there.

"So I did a little digging...and found out it was true. Oh, what a happy day that was."

Kurama figured he would say more but he paused in his ranting, the knife poised for another cut. He listened for a moment and then cursed. He tossed the knife aside and strode from the room.

Kurama was left alone in the darkness once more. He sagged against his bonds, his breath coming in harsh pants.

Soon...soon...

… ~ ...

They'd spent hours searching the building. They had opened every door, run up and down every hallway. Still they had found nothing. There was no residual energy, nothing that screamed that Kurama had been there. Kazuma was growing frustrated.

Each door he threw open he grew more desperate. He'd checked the same rooms at least a hundred times.

Yusuke and Hiei hadn't given up either.

He was here. He _had_ to be.

They regrouped at the main entrance. All three of them held expressions of anger.

"This is some kind of sick joke," Yusuke groused.

Kazuma said nothing. Think you idiot. Where the hell could he be?

He looked to the floor. At the same moment Hiei realized what he was thinking.

"Move," was all he said.

Both Yusuke and Kazuma did as they were told.

Hiei jumped as high in the air as the building allowed. His fist began to gather energy, bright greens and reds. With a cry he slammed it into the floor. The concrete cracked, splintered, and then fell inwards.

Just as Kazuma had suspected, there was a hidden basement. He grinned in triumph. Just a little longer now and they'd have their friend back, safe and sound.

… ~ ...

Something had happened, of that Kurama was certain. Kaien had returned much later in a panic. Now, he was pacing the room muttering to himself.

Kurama held no hope that he had been found...but...

It _was_ awfully strange.

Kurama took this reprieve to look Kaien over. He'd changed in the past three hundred years. Dark purple hair shaved on one side of his head, long on the other. His obsidian eyes looked older, more hollow. Kurama took some joy in that – he had taken that light from him.

His body was fit, if not muscular, and he was just a smidge taller than Hiei was.

If the man didn't hold such a grudge against Kurama he might have gotten along with the fire demon quite well. Their personalities were a good match.

But that is where similarities ended. Kaien had been a bastard three hundred years ago and he was even more so now. He had collected and coveted rare, dangerous, and dark artifacts. The particular item Kurama had stolen had not only been priceless...it was irreplaceable.

He was glad it would never find its way into this man's hands ever again.

Kaien stopped pacing and grabbed Kurama by his chin. He wrenched him forward, causing the chains to rattle and tug at his broken wrists. "We haven't much time. Tell me where it is...or I'll end you."

Kurama was already dead.

"Gone." he repeated for the hundredth time.

Kaien screamed and for a brief moment Kurama was certain he would take his life then and there. He smiled, ready to embrace death. He would give anything for that relief. He felt like he'd waited an eternity.

But that relief never came. Instead...a range of emotions took its place. First surprise...then amazement...and his heart finally settled on grief.

For them to see him in such a state...

For them to sit here and watch him die...

This was a fool's errand. They should have left him well enough alone.

They'd never get him to a healer in time...

His heart slowed. Each beat painful, each breath labored. Before he blacked out he was able to see his friends one last time. The bright powerful energy of Yusuke, the slow burn of Hiei's...and the bright, heroic energy of Kazuma.

With a wistful smile, Kurama fell into the black.

… ~ ...

 **December 25** **th** **, 2001. Christmas Day.**

Kazuma had never been more enraged in his entire life. He'd seen some horrible things, had killed countless demons who'd murdered and pillaged. It was the same pain he'd felt when he'd watched Urameshi die during his battle with Sensui.

And just like that time his power rose in answer. He saw real fear in the demon's eyes. A sick satisfaction gripped him and then Kazuma lunged.

The only one faster was Hiei.

The bastard put up a fight. He was strong. Perhaps he would have been a challenge. But he picked the wrong people to fuck with.

His life was ended after only minutes. Minutes that Kazuma knew they could not spare.

Hiei lopped the bastard's head straight off his shoulders. And then burned the corpse for good measure. Kazuma knew if he hadn't been so angry he would have tortured the man to death. Hiei would have given him the same pain that he'd inflicted on Kurama. If only he'd had the time.

The fire demon shattered the chains holding Kurama to the ceiling. The only person he'd ever seen him hold with that type of tenderness was Yukina. And even then, it had only been that one time during the Dark Tournament.

Wide red eyes stared up at him and Yusuke. Hiei, normally so expressionless, was in pain too.

"Is he breathing...?" Yusuke asked what they all wanted – needed, to know.

"Barely."

Kazuma couldn't speak. The sight of his friend...it was too much. How...how had this creature managed to do something so awful? Why hadn't Kurama fought back?

"We need to get him out of here."

Blood...there was so much blood. How? How could one person make so much blood?

"Kuwabara, come on!"

Their voices sounded so far away. If this could happen to Kurama it could happen to any of them. He couldn't lose them...he just couldn't. Even Hiei, the cantankerous bastard. He didn't want to live in a world where they didn't exist.

He didn't register the feeling of the tears that dripped down his face. Or the fact his nose was streaming. All he saw was Kurama's broken body. His hair had even been sheared off...

So lost inside his own mind, Kazuma didn't have time to try and dodge the punch Hiei threw at him. It wasn't hard enough to break his jaw, but it was hard enough to make his face swell up.

"Snap out of it idiot! Kurama doesn't have time for your blubbering!"

Shit, he was right.

Together they ran from the building. Hiei had handed Kurama over to Yusuke, his height making it too awkward for the fire demon to carry him so far a distance. Kazuma once again wished he was as fast as them. He was the only one who could get them out of here and even though he pushed himself to his limits it still wasn't enough.

He paid no attention to the burning in his lungs or the way his heart raced in fear for his friend's life. He just booked it towards the distortion that had brought them here.

It took what felt like hours, the light of Hiei's flame guiding them through the never ending darkness. Kazuma sensed it as they drew close and he wasted no time pulling out his dimension cutting sword. He sliced it through the empty space, seeing the forest looming beyond.

As they emerged into the light of early morning on Christmas Day, Kazuma prayed to God they'd make it back in time.

… ~ ...

 **December 31** **st** **, 2001. New Year's Eve.**

Six days later, Kurama was still in a deep sleep. They had brought him back to the temple. He still didn't know how they'd made it in time. The only theory he had was that Kurama's energy had healed him just enough to keep him alive.

In the interim Kazuma had gone to Kurama's mother's and lied, even though it had left a bitter taste on his tongue. He knew she hadn't believed him, but he wanted to take away some of her worry.

Yukina had done what she could. Her abilities in healing had gotten much better over the years, but still Kurama slept.

Shizuru had fixed his hair, saying she didn't want him to wake up and see himself like that.

Even still...Yukina hadn't been able to spare him from the scares. Kurama had faint ones...a bad one on his stomach from Hiei all those years ago, burns from his fight with Karasu. A faint one on his cheek from that moron during the Dark Tournament. But this...this was in another league.

He was branded everywhere. They would always be a constant reminder.

And over what? Something as petty as whatever it was Kurama had stolen. Kazuma wished he could raise that bastard from the dead and kill him all over again.

The door to the room they'd placed him in opened. The soft, gentle energy of Yukina registered in the back of his mind. He did not turn to her. He had not left Kurama's side in days. He'd barely slept or eaten. If it wasn't for the Koorime making him meals and pestering him to get some rest, he wouldn't have bothered at all.

"It is News Year's Eve...don't you wish to spend time with your family?" she asked.

Kazuma sat slumped in a wooden chair. He held one of Kurama's limp hands in his own. He had such fine hands. At least that bastard hadn't touched those.

"No...I'll stay here," he replied.

He heard her sigh sadly. She set down a tray of food for him on a small table that rested beside the door. She continued to bring him food, even though he ate only bites. A second later, the click of the door latching told him she'd left.

He squeezed Kurama's hand.

Please wake up...

… ~ ...

The day went by in a blur, just as they all had since Kazuma had realized Kurama was missing. Yusuke stopped by, dressed in formal kimono and complaining. Keiko was forcing him to go to a festival. But much like Kazuma, the other man was in no mood for any kind of fun.

"She's worried about him too, Urameshi." Keiko just wanted to get her mind off things. She was probably hoping Yusuke would do the same.

"That's not the point! Why do I always have to do this stupid crap..."

Sometime later, after Yusuke had taken his leave, Hiei had come climbing through the window. He was mindful to shut it behind him, barring Kurama from the chill of the winter air.

He didn't speak and Kazuma wasn't willing to have a conversation anyway.

He stayed for awhile, watching over the redhead. Kazuma knew when he had decided to take his leave, because he nodded at him right before he flitted off again.

Kazuma waved, a half-hearted gesture, pointless because the demon was already gone.

Once again it was just him and the man he had grown to love as more than a friend.

He drifted off to sleep after a time. The silence and the warmth of the electric heater he kept running lulling him into slumber.

He didn't know how long he rested, if it was hours, or minutes, or days. But a gentle pressure on the hand he still held had him drifting back to the world of the living.

At first, sleep still heavy in his mind, he thought he was dreaming. But the hand squeezed again and his eyes snapped open.

He'd never seen such a beautiful shade of green. He probably wouldn't ever again.

His breath caught in his throat and it took every ounce of his willpower not to launch himself at the man in the bed.

"Tell me I'm not dreaming," he said instead.

Kurama's lips turned up in a smile, "You're not dreaming."

His voice was raspy from disuse and lack of water, but it was like music to Kazuma's ears.

"Shit," Kazuma said. His eyes watered and spilled over. With the hand not holding his friend's he wiped at them, embarrassed.

Then he came to his senses, "L-lemme go get Yukina! And some water!"

He leapt up from the chair but Kurama's hand tightened. He tugged the other man back towards him.

"Don't go," he said.

"B-but..."

"Don't go," he repeated.

And so Kazuma didn't. He sat on the edge of the bed and brought Kurama into an embrace. Even though his worst wounds were gone, he was still gentle. A gentle giant...he'd heard Kurama call him that more than once.

"I didn't think I'd see any of you ever again," the man mumbled into his shoulder.

Kazuma's arms tightened. He buried his face into Kurama's hair and breathed in his scent. It smelled like the herbal shampoo Shizuru had used to wash it.

"I should have noticed sooner," he said.

"There was nothing anyone could have done."

Kazuma didn't believe that. None of them had noticed. For three weeks Kurama had been missing. Hiei had an excuse...even Yusuke didn't see him all the time. Out of anyone, Kazuma should have noticed. He would never forgive himself.

"Don't," Kurama whispered.

"Don't what?"

"Blame yourself."

Kazuma didn't know how the other man knew what he was thinking, but it didn't matter. Of course he should blame himself. In fact...he would take the brunt of that burden, he was the most at fault.

"What did I say?" Kurama admonished.

Kazuma pulled away from him, holding him at arms length. "I should have noticed sooner."

Kurama shook his head, "I knew...I knew there was someone after me. I thought I could handle it without getting anyone involved."

"Why would you do that?"

"I didn't want to burden anyone."

Kazuma stared at him in disbelief, "I never took you for an idiot."

Kurama's eyes widened and then he turned away. A wry smile spread across his lips. "I suppose you're right."

"This isn't a joke! You...you...shit, you nearly died! Do you know how scared I was?!"

Kurama's smile faded, his eyes turned downcast. "I'm sorry."

That was all he had to say for himself. Didn't he understand? Didn't he?! Kazuma loved him! And he thought he'd never have the chance to tell him.

He took a deep breath and before he could change his mind blurted, "I love you."

He said it with conviction. He said it in a way that could not be misinterpreted. He said it for as much his benefit as Kurama's.

He would have his heart broken. But that was okay. Kazuma would survive, so long as Kurama knew. As long as Kurama thought twice about ever pulling a stunt like that again.

Kurama's mouth had fallen open. It was rare to see the other man completely lost for words and Kazuma used it to his advantage.

"I will always be here for you. Urameshi and Hiei too. No matter what."

Kurama wouldn't look him in the eye after that. He just turned to stare out the window. It had started to snow again at some point and it had grown dark long ago.

"Will you take me out for some fresh air?" he asked.

Kazuma frowned but did as he asked. He grabbed a robe that was folded at the foot of the bed. He helped Kurama rise, doing his damndest to ignore his nudity.

Kazuma swept the robe over his shoulders and Kurama tied it closed. Knowing that wasn't enough warmth, Kazuma also bundled him up in his coat (which was at least two sizes too big). He didn't notice when Kurama brought the sleeve to his nose and inhaled the scent of his cologne.

A pair of slippers completed his 'outfit' and so Kazuma slung one of Kurama's arms around his shoulders. He stooped so the other man wouldn't put any strain on his still healing injuries. It was slow going through the long hallways of Genkai's temple, but eventually they made it outdoors.

Kazuma stopped at the porch and helped Kurama take a seat on its edge. The redhead reached out a hand to catch the falling snow, taking great gulps of the nighttime air.

"I never knew what a luxury fresh air was until I was stuck in that rotting hole," he said.

Kazuma sunk down beside him. "I'll never let something like that happen to you again."

Kurama had no reply to his oath and instead asked, "What day is it?"

"New Year's Eve," Kazuma replied.

"Ah...I missed Christmas. Mother must be heartbroken."

"She's doing the best she can...considering."

Kurama turned to him with surprised eyes. "You went to see her?"

"Of course," said Kazuma.

They sat in silence for a long time. Kazuma was too afraid to ask what the other man was thinking. And considering what he'd been through Kazuma let him have his peace.

"I'm sorry," Kurama said again.

Kazuma started, not having expected him to speak. "For what?"

"That day...three months ago. I should have said something, instead I was a coward."

Kazuma shook his head with vehemence, "No, I shouldn't have surprised you like that."

"I won't deny I was shocked. But not for the reasons you think." Kurama looked to his feet and clasped his hands in his lap. "I don't deserve someone like you."

Kazuma gaped at him. Was he truly such an idiot?

"How can you think that? I'm the stupid, ugly one."

The look Kurama gave him at that comment could have melted the skin clean off his face.

"Don't ever say that again."

"Why? It's true."

"No it _is not_ , nor has it ever been."

Kazuma blushed and looked towards the sky, if only so he didn't have to look at Kurama anymore.

A hand slid across the porch to grasp his. It squeezed, offering comfort when Kurama was the one that truly needed it.

"What time is it?" Kurama asked.

Kuwabara lifted his arm so he could look at the watch there, "Nearly midnight."

"Mhm." Kurama turned back to the falling snow, as if he were waiting for something.

A couple of minutes later he asked, "What time is it now?"

Kazuma looked at him funny but answered, "Eleven Fifty-eight."

Kurama nodded and again he waited.

"And now?"

"It's midnight Kurama, why do you keep asking?"

Kazuma received his answer in an unexpected way. Before he could place some distance between them or put out a hand to stop him, Kurama leaned forward. He placed a chaste kiss against Kazuma's lips, chapped but warm.

At first Kazuma could do nothing but stare with eyes wide open. What did this mean? Had that bastard done something to Kurama's brain too?

But when he did not respond Kurama began to pull away. Afraid he'd never get the chance again, Kazuma lunged forward.

He smashed his head into Kurama's and they both shot backwards with a yelp.

"Oh shit, sorry!"

Kurama laughed...and laughed...and laughed. He laughed until all the stress left his body. He laughed until his hoarse voice gave out and he was reduced to wheezes. He laughed until tears streamed down his face.

When those tears turned from ones of mirth into real, gut-wrenching, heartbreaking ones, he placed a hand against Kazuma's cheek.

He leaned forward again, every movement making his intent clear. Kazuma met him in the middle.

They shared a New Year's kiss, one that was deep and precious and grand. Kazuma's weariness faded in that brief moment. The fear he had harbored for days fell away. He took in all that was Kurama. And that night he vowed to never let it go again.

Leaving his bruised forehead pressed against Kazuma's, Kurama pulled back and smiled with his eyes still closed. "Happy New Year, Kazuma."

"Yeah...Happy New Year."

… ~ ...

 **6 Months Later.**

"You two need to get a room!"

"Shut the hell up Urameshi!"

"This is the fifth time this week I've caught you guys!"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is!"

"No, it is not!"

"You two are like children."

"Who asked you fox boy?"

Kurama shook his head, exasperated with the both of them. What a time to get into an argument. He'd just managed to get Kazuma's shirt off too...

"Why don't you call before you show up?!"

"Cause I don't expect you two to be screwing like rabbits in the entire temple!"

Kurama blushed and Kazuma slapped a large palm to his face to cover his own. "Shut up, Urameshi," he mumbled.

Yusuke left down the hall, cackling the entire way. Kazuma assumed he was headed for the living room. He buried his face into Kurama's shoulder, stooping so he could reach.

"He's so annoying," he said, muffled by Kurama's shirt.

"Kazuma?"

"Mhm?"

"I love you..."

Kurama felt Kazuma smile against his neck. "Yeah, you too..."

The taller man leaned down to pick his shirt up off the floor. He pulled the button down back on, fumbling with the buttons. Kurama helped him put himself back together and then took his hand.

He threaded his fingers with Kazuma's and then headed after Yusuke.

They walked slower than they needed to, little grins on both their faces.

Just before they reached the living room Kazuma stopped, causing Kurama to pause as well.

"Hey...I never asked before because I didn't think it was important, but -"

Kurama raised an eyebrow, "Yes?"

"What _did_ you steal to make that Kaien guy hate you so much?"

Kurama suppressed a grin. "It was something very dangerous indeed."

"I know that, but _what_ was it?"

"His virginity." And then Kurama turned on his heel and marched into the living room.

"H-hey, wait! Kurama, you liar!"

His lover laughed, the sound more joyous than it had been in many years. Kurama didn't want to dwell on what happened six months ago. He had decided on New Year's Eve to live in the here and now. He loved Kazuma and the only way their relationship would remain intact was if he put the past behind him. He must let go of the things he did, who he was.

And in turn, he would spend every waking day making Kazuma realize how amazing of a man he truly was.

Because what he had done for him all those months ago had left what was inside him – a shriveled, useless heart – blossom into full bloom when it never had before.

 _Thank you, Kazuma..._

… ~ ...

 **Fin.**


End file.
